Distance learning. A new phrase that has so much meaning, but yet so much unknown. To many, distance learning means not having to go to school and doing school work at home. It means using a laptop and watching videos of teachers online. It means an hour of learning then video games the rest of the day. But to others it can mean something completely different. It means inconsistency in routine. It means trying to access materials online without a computer or internet. It means trying to babysit and care for siblings while a parent might be at work, while also trying to complete assignments. It means inconsistent food or physical activity. Distance learning might just be a simple phrase, but it holds so much meaning.

For me, distance learning means worrying about my students. It means losing more sleep than usual. It means inequitable access to materials and education. Although I may be “just their teacher”, they are not “just my students”. They are my classroom family.

I know many people may not understand why I worry so much. They are at home with their families, right? Right! Some kids are, but others aren’t. I hesitate writing this because all teachers, schools, communities, families, and students are different. But we have to remember that not all students come from a background where resources are abundant.

As a teacher, I have a love and hate relationship with distance learning. I love that I am able to learn so many new technology programs and create fun activities for my students. I have discovered that I love making instructional videos for my students and the 30 minute weekly Zoom meeting I get with my kids is my favorite part of the week. I love finding exciting resources to share with them and being able to connect with them during this time! But, I hate not seeing my kids everyday. I hate not knowing whether or not their basic needs have been met. I know that some kids only eat at school and now they aren’t necessarily getting that consistent nourishment. I know that some kids do not have the supervision or support needed to be successful at distance learning at home. I hate that I don’t actually get to teach.

Teaching is so much about interaction and relationships. It is about having a perfectly planned lesson and changing it 3 minutes in because your kids need something else in that moment. It’s about action and clarification, communication and questioning. These are things that I cannot put in a video. These are things that my students cannot experience through an online assignment.

I miss the golden time of the year when kids are fully engaged in learning, used to the routines, and ready for more! I miss field trips (we had 5 planned for this spring) and art projects. I miss class celebrations and random dance parties. I miss spirit days and classroom games. I just miss my class!

But, this time has also reminded me that I am more than just a teacher. I have a life outside of teaching into which I can put more of my time and energy. I am able to spend more time on our family business. I can sleep past 5:30 am. I can enjoy drinking my coffee at home in my pajamas with my husband. I’ve had more time to do crafts, baking, and home improvement projects. These are all things I would not have time to do if it weren’t for distance learning.

I know that during this time in the world, distance learning is important. It is necessary! I obviously have mixed feelings. But, I will tell you, when we are back in the classroom, I will no longer take for granted the random conversations I have with my students. I will cherish every hug and high-five. I will (try to) have more patience when students interrupt my lesson to tell me something completely unrelated (you might be surprised about how often this happens) or when I have to repeat the directions for the 10th time. Maybe this distance learning is a blessing in disguise because it helped me remember why I became a teacher, why I love teaching, and that I am not solely defined by my job title.

To my students: Although we will not be in class together again, you will always be my students and I will always be here for you. I love you and miss you all very much!